来源：新航道 浏览：0 发布日期：2014-08-15 15:07
英语幽默笑话大全节选①Giving up Smoking 戒除烟瘾
A defendant in a lawsuit involving large sum of money was talking to his lawyer.
A:If I lose this case, I'll be ruined.
B:It's in the judge's hand now.
A:Would it help if I sent the judge a box of cigars?
B:Oh.no !This judge is a stickler for ethical behavior.A turu like that would prejudice him against you. He might even hald you in contempt of coun. in fact.you shouldn't even smile ai the judge.
With in the course of time,the judge wndered a decision in favor of the defendant.As the defendanL leR the counhouae,
A:Thanks for the tip about the cigars.It worked.
B:I'm sure we wodd have lost the caae if you'd sent them.
A:But did send them.
B:What? You did?!
A:Yes.That's how we won the case.
B:I don't understand
A:It's easy.I sent the cigars to the judge,but enclosed the plaintiff's business card.
英语幽默笑话大全节选②Mass Media 大众传媒
Curiosity killed a cat.
Jack's father and the professor are talking about Jack.
A:Why did you fail Jack in his examination, and tell him he would have to leave the university?
B:Because he really cannot continue his study in the univversity.
A:But he is a good boy. If you let him pass this time. I'm sure he will make a progress next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well.
B:No,too,that's quite impossible! Do you know, last monthI a sked him when Napoleon died, and he didn't know!
A:Please sir,give him another chance. You see.Iam afraid w e don't take any newspapers in our house, so none of us even knew that Na- poleon was ill recently.
英语幽默笑话大全节选③Personal Finance 个人理财
A silvedess mon goes fast ihrough the market.
There once was a rich man who was near deeth. He wru very grieved because he had worked so hard for his numey. So he began to pray Lhat he rmght he ahle to take some of his weakh with him.
A:Sorry,but you car't take your wealth with you.
B:Could you speakto Cod to see if he might hend the rules?
(Then he continue to pray his wealth could follow him,and the angel reappears.)
A:The Cod has decided to allow you to take one suitcase with yourself.
(Overjoyed.the man gaLhers his largest suitcase and fills it,with pure gold bar s and places it beside his hed.Soon afterward the man dies and shows up at the Catea of Heaven to greet St.Peter. Peter sees the suit-case.
C:Hold on. you can't bnng thatin here!
B:But I have pennjssion and you can verify ny stcuy with the Lord.
C:You are rigt.You are allowed orie carry-on hag. Bm i'm supposed to check it's contents before letting through.
(Then he opens the suitcase to inspect the worldly items that the man found to precious to leave behind.
C:You bought our pavement?!
Health is not valued till sickness comes.